just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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