: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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