we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He felt like a one man threesome
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
