you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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