Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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