Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
