Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
