I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
