she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
