Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
