There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
