dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so let's talk penis.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
