yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
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Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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