guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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