ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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