Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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