you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
