i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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