I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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