my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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