We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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