So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do vagina's smell?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
