i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
