Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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