u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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