i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
