oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
