waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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