I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
