but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
