Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
