Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
