Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
