Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Girls should come with a carfax report
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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