the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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