There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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