that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
