i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
