You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i came on her dog
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
