you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
