I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
