It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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