maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
