Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
