just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
