my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
