you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
