Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
