So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm both gender and math confused
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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