An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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