Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
