That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Small penises have feelings too.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
