this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
