some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
