Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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