let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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