How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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