it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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