Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They took my balls.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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