if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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