my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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