I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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