I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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