Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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