Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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