Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
