If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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