What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
