I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
