1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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