When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
