Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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