I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
