please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
