so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
