and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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